Friend vs. Roommate. Is there a difference?

In high school, I always had a lot of friends. I had a large group of “best friends” and then some other friends in other groups of people. When I got to college, everything changed. I realized, especially with my illness, that a lot of people in my life were not there for the right reasons and did not treat me right. My old best friend told me it was because I had “too high expectations for friends.” I did not really know what that meant until this year when I started living with my current roommate.

Just so everyone is aware, my roommate has no idea this blog exists, so she can not read this. Her and I became friends my sophomore because she started living with one of my good friends. We instantly became close friends and I thought she was the best friend that I always needed. We started living together in August and I had a lot of expectations. I was so excited to hang out in our room, go out together, study together, etc. When we came to school though, she slept at her boyfriends every night, only came home to take naps, and then went out with her boyfriend at night. I never saw her, never talked to her, never hung out with her. I had to drop my expectations drastically and after we had a long talk, I decided not to hold a grudge at get over it.

On my 21st birthday weekend, she threw me a surprise party and I was very surprised that she went out of the way to do that for me. The night of the party though, she did not hang out with me at all. And of course she slept at her boyfriends that night, so I did not see her until later that day. That night, my friends and I wanted to go out and she was planning on coming with us. She said she was going to go her boyfriends first and meet us downtown. Even though I was annoyed, I tried to forget about it. When we both got downtown, she sat at the bar, with her boyfriend, the whole time. I was so hurt and angry that I did not even want to be at the bar anymore.

The next day we got into a large argument. Well actually, she got mad at me for being mad at her and was basically yelling at me for an hour as I was trying to defend myself. She told me that her boyfriend is her first priority, above family, friends, school, etc. She also told me I should not “consider her a best friend anymore” because I expect too much. Did I really though? All I really wanted was for her to be a friend. She also told me that her boyfriend is her first priority, above family, friends, school, etc. So that is what I did.

Recently though, I have tried to make more of an effort to be her friends. I call her when I need to discuss an issue or text her when I could not sleep. She never answers my phone calls, never answers my texts, and is never there to talk to me in the room. So now it is difficult for me to consider her even a friend. I have been distancing myself from her because it is the only way I know how to not get hurt. It is just sad how we used to be so close, and now we are just roommates.

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